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(Going after her)
To all those who are about to read this:
This part of the story is mainly plot, and almost no sex. I warned you. I also think you should first read the other parts before this one if you want to appreciate it.
Part 5 begins with a sex scene, but is no where near finished. I promise I will not wait two years this time though. I was planning to post them together, but my fiancée thought I should post these 6 chapters now, so that readers should not wait even longer.(It probably helps that she is one of those waiting readers and that I can’t say no to her.)
And Last, I want to apologise to all the people who were waiting for this part for so long. Life seriously got in the way. 2 ex-girlfriends, two moves, buying a 130 year old house, half of a renovation, finding my true love, one kid and another planned soon, and recently wedding plans have eaten up my time to write. Not to mention my fulltime day job of course.
After that phone call with Igor I called everyone I thought of that could possibly help. The police, immigrations, even missing persons, all in vain.
I didn’t sleep that night, or what was left of that night. Instead I crawled under a huge pile of all the blankets I owned, shivering from the shock, and cried, and cried, and cried. Both Rain and Sunshine tried to comfort me by laying on top and right next to me, spinning loudly in my ear, but I barely noticed.
When it finally got light, I reached for the phone. I took a few deep breaths, forced myself to stop crying for a second and let it ring.
“Daddy?” Shit, I could already hear my voice breaking. “Are you still mad at me? I need your help.”
“Of course honey! Are you all right?”
“Yes.” I lied. “I’m fine.”
“Then what is it? Why do you call so early in the morning? Do you need me to pick you up? Where are you?”
“No, daddy. I’m home.”
Shit, there were the tears again. I hated that I had to ask him this, but he was my last and only hope.
“Daddy, that thing you did for me, when I was arrested and you fixed it. Can you do that for my friend too? Immigration has her and they will send her back to Russia if we can’t get her out on time.”
“You know I can’t do that Aruna, even if I knew somebody in immigrations, which I don’t. What I did for you was way out of line. It could have cost me my job.”
“But I need her dad.” I sobbed. “I love her. I don’t think I can live without her.”
“I am really sorry Aruna, but I can’t do anything about it.”
It was silent for a few moments, and then he added: “Maybe it is even better that they send her back. If she was illegal she couldn’t have had a very happy life here, and without her you can start to look for a proper partner.”
I could not believe my ears. He did not just say that.
“If she had been a man, you wouldn’t have said it was better that they send her back! You have no idea what she went through over there! If things were different I would fly after her, marry her, and get her back here, where her friends, her job and her life is. Where she belongs! I love her, she loves me. I don’t want anyone else.”
I heard him sigh, always a sign he was annoyed by something or someone. “Aruna, she is not a proper partner, she is another woman. You can’t have a real relationship with another woman, can’t marry her, and she can’t give you children. I am not going to argue with you this early in the morning.”
“Fine.” I snapped. “Then we are done talking.”
I hung up even more desperate than when I picked up the phone. I just sat there, with the phone in my hand, and stared at the wall in front of me. What else could I do to get her back? The police didn’t work, my father didn’t work, immigrations laughed in my face, missing persons wouldn’t help me either because she wasn’t missing,… I lost her.
The phone rang a few times, but since I didn’t want to speak to my father in this state, I didn’t pick up. Only when the doorbell rang and kept ringing, I arose from my place on the floor in front of the sofa.
It was Lilly, and she was pissed. Great, another person that was mad at me. Just what I needed to make my misery complete.
“Why didn’t you go to work this morning? And why didn’t you answer your phone? Everyone is worried sick!”
I just stared at her. Work? Oh yes. Work. The salon, my clients, the dogs.
“Shit, Aruna, what’s going on? Are you ill? You look like hell!”
“I’m not ill.” I said. “I wish it was that simple though. Come in.”
“Why didn’t you answer your phone?” She asked again when she entered my living room and saw the mess that was my couch. “What happened?”
I plopped back down and stroked the cats in a futile attempt to stay calm and to not start shivering or crying again. “They took her.”
Lilly folded the blankets from the couch up and put the pile on the floor as she sat beside me. “Who took who?”
“Immigrations took Rebecca.” I whispered. “Her ex told them where she lived and now I’m never going to see her again. illegal bahis I didn’t even know she was illegal.”
Lilly pulled me towards her and put her arm around me. “Is that why there are two cats here instead of one?”
I nodded, leaned into her and told everything that happened from the moment I came home.
“Oh Aruna,…” Was all she said after I finished.
I didn’t need any more words. Two words and I felt she knew what this meant for me, what Rebecca truly meant to me, even though we were only together for barely two weeks.
I stopped trying so hard to keep my limbs under control and my body started shivering again. Lilly hugged me even closer and fished her phone out of her purse. She dialed a number and started speaking.
“Hey Frank? … Yeah, she’s all right. No accidents or anything, but there is a crisis. Can I take this afternoon off? I’m afraid to leave her alone. … No, nothing you should worry about. … No, you can’t help but thanks for the offer. …Immigrations took her girlfriend. … No, I don’t think she will. … Ok, bye.”
My eyes started drooping because of the lack of sleep and the heavy emotions that finally began to take their toll, but she shook me awake.
“You can’t fall asleep Aruna. You are in shock and I don’t think it’s safe. Fight it honey, you’re coming with me.”
“No, I don’t want to leave. Where are we going anyway?”
“To the doctor and then to my place. Here everything must remind you of her, and I am not letting you out of my sight.”
“No Lilly, I don’t want to go. I’ll be fine.” I said, but she persisted and I didn’t have the energy any more to argue. She took me to her car.
“I don’t want to go to the doctor. Please Lilly, they don’t fix broken hearts.” I pleaded one last time. “It’ll be expensive, time consuming and all for nothing. I just want to sleep and forget. Please…”
“Ok, then we are going to my home, but you’re not going to sleep until I know it is safe for you to do so.”
“I promise.” I answered, but of course I was fast asleep by the time we arrived at her place.
When I woke up it was early Saturday morning and as I lay in a foreign bed my first thought was that it was Rebecca who was laying beside me. I rolled over and grabbed her boob, still with my eyes closed. “Babe, you wouldn’t believe how bad my dream was.”
“Aruna! What the hell!” Lilly sputtered against my kiss on her mouth. She pushed my hands away and sat up.
My eyes flew open. It hadn’t been a dream. Oh no. No.
“I thought you were her.” I explained, heartbroken all over again. “Why were you sleeping beside me?”
“I looked it up, emotional shock is not deadly, but you looked so cold and lonely in my bed. You were shivering really hard and I wanted to warm you up.”
“So you crawled in bed with me, even though you know that I am gay now?”
“You would never do anything that would jeopardize our friendship. Besides, you know I’m not, and you are clearly in love with another. Nothing changed between us so I didn’t see the harm in it. We used to sleep together in the same bed all the time when we were in high school.”
“You are a great friend.” I said, while I closed my eyes again.
“Breakfast?” she asked cheerful, as if this was indeed one of our many sleepovers as teens.
“No, not for me.” I answered. “I’m not hungry.”
I pulled the blankets over my head and tried to block the world out. When was the last time I ate with Rebecca? Oh yes, Thursday morning. Already two full days ago.
I stayed in that bed for almost a week, while I wallowed in memories and Lilly called my parents to tell them I wouldn’t be coming to dinner that first Sunday evening, went to work without me that following week, forced me to eat at least something each day, took care of Rain and Sunshine, and slept on her couch.
But even the best, most fantastic friends run out of patience one day, and Lilly’s ran out by the next Friday evening.
“Right, time to get up Aruna. I’ve run a bath for you, you smell. I also told Frank that you would come to work again on Monday, and called your parents that you are coming to the weekly dinner this Sunday.”
I moaned. “But that’s still two whole days away. Can’t I stay here until then? I’m not ready to face the world.”
Lilly sighed loudly and pulled the blankets off me. “No. You need a bath, now.”
Silently I stood up and stretched. My body felt weak after a whole week of barely eating and only getting up to go to the toilet.
“Come on.” Lilly encouraged. ” It’ll do you good, and after your bath we are going to do a movie marathon and eat all the chocolate and cheese in the world. I know it’s terrible that Rebecca is no longer here, but it is not the end of the world and you need to start moving on and getting over her.”
“Or at least pretend to.” I mumbled before I took the towel of her and disappeared in to the bathroom.
“That’s the spirit!” Lilly answered. “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger!”
“But what if it is still killing you every second, illegal bahis siteleri every breath?” I asked myself while I stepped in the bath. Why didn’t she called or texted me, not even once? I had my phone right next to me the whole time. Even if she didn’t have her phone anymore, she could have looked up my number, or emailed me. Why didn’t I hear from her? Had I meant that little to her?
I washed my face, body and hair, brushed my neglected teeth twice and did whatever Lilly asked of me the whole weekend. She was right. Time to attempt to get over her. I had a feeling it was going to be a slow and painful process.
That Sunday evening I stood on my parents doorstep and rang the bell.
It was strange being there. Everything felt different now, even the things I used to do without her. I also started to see all the things we would miss out on experiencing together. All those firsts we never had. I had hoped once to bring her here someday, for example. Now that was never going to happen.
I thought of Lara, one of Rebecca’s friends, and the tattoo on her arm that said ‘Fear is the price we pay for adventure’ and had to take a deep breath. If fear is the price we pay for adventure, grief is the price we pay for love, I thought.
My nieces opened the door almost exactly the same way as they did the last time I visited. Overenthusiastic, with the dogs barking around our legs, jumping up and down and acting loud and very in-your-face. “Grandma! Grandma! Aunty Runa is here!” they yelled while I took another deep breath and stepped inside.
“Runa, not Runy.” Flashed trough my head. “Nobody will ever call me that again.”
I felt my eyes watering up again. Shit, I had to hold it together. I had to keep those kinds of thoughts for home, for when I was alone and had the luxury to cry about the emotions that came along with them. I was being pathetic, but I couldn’t help it.
I took another big breath. “Calm down!” I ordered myself. “Try not to think of her and you will be fine.”
But not thinking of her was hard. Very hard. I tried to pretend that I was the same Aruna from a month ago, the one from before I met her, but that was all it was, pretending. It didn’t feel right, like I was lying to everyone, most of all to myself. The evening went by in a slow blur. I was there, but I wasn’t really.
Until my parents’ special guest arrived. The table had been set for one extra, in the place next to mine, but I had thought it was for a friend of my brothers.
At first I didn’t notice the real reason why he was invited. He was a fairly normal looking guy of about my age. A rookie at my fathers precinct. He talked chitchat during the whole meal with the rest of my family and came across as a sympathetic man.
But then my mother started to push piano-lessons on him, lessons I should teach of course, and he seemed a bit overly enthusiastic, even after I said I stopped giving those.
I could not imaging teaching anyone else besides Rebecca, but my parents kept hammering on that I should give it one more try. Because last time it was a success, right? So why quit so soon? Of course they didn’t know that was more on Rebecca and our chemistry together than on me or teaching her to play the piano.
Everyone went on with their conversation while I fell silent again, losing myself in the memory of that first lesson with her. I had to call myself to order again. Not here. Not now.
Then, while Tamara was getting the dessert out of the kitchen, it happened. The thing that made it all crystal clear. Why he was invited although none of my brothers even knew him, why my parents kept pushing those stupid lessons on me and why they placed him right next to me.
He laid his hand on my thigh.
It was the simplest of gestures, but it spoke a million words. I immediately pulled back, pushing my chair over in the movement. “Get your hands of me!”
Everyone looked up, shock on their faces.
“But I thought,…” He muttered.
“You thought wrong!” I shrieked.
Tamara dropped the dessert in her hands on her way to the table and it fell on the floor in a big splatter, but I couldn’t care less. I had never been so furious at my parents. “And you thought wrong too! I don’t want to be set up, least of all to a man! I’m already in a relationship! I love Rebecca!”
The man’s face changed completely. “I am so sorry. I didn’t know you are a lesbian. My father sent me after he spoke with your father. If I had know I would never have come. I got the feeling we clicked.”
I ignored the poor man completely.
“But wasn’t she sent back to Russia, Aruna?” asked my twin, Daman. “Mom and Dad only wanted to help.”
Rage coursed trough me like an electric current, leaving my limbs all prickly. “Help me?!” I spat. “By supporting me? By attempting to rescue her out of the hands of that scum of immigrations when I asked, no, begged, for it? By acknowledging what she means to me and at least giving me a chance to grieve her and to get over her? By recognizing that men are just not for me, and never canlı bahis siteleri were either, by the way?”
I heard my voice getting shriller and shriller and by the time my rant was over there was nothing else left in me to do than bursting out in tears. “You are my family! Act like it!”
Everyone stared at me, open mouthed, which only fueled my rage more. I realized I had to leave there before I would do things I would regret later on.
With all the calm I still had in me I walked out of the room, grabbed my coat and left for home.
I crawled in bed with Rain and Sunshine and lost myself in all those memories I could not stop myself to think about. The first time I saw her, that time she hid in my apartment, our first kiss, getting texts from her and the butterflies I felt when I got them, that first piano lesson and what followed after, our first date, getting to know each other… Even the stupid ones like worrying where she had gone when Lilly and I went inside in the animal shelter and she was left behind, or my initial reaction to her food.
My hand found its way under the blankets and into my panties and after a while I only thought of her smell, her touch, the sound of her voice, the feel of her lips on mine, the softness and color of her curls, the way she smiled, her eyes, the style in which she moved, and the feel of her body pressed to mine.
I started fingering myself the way she used to do it and lost myself even more. I remebered the taste of her sweat, the ticklishness of her curls against the insides of my thighs, the smell and taste of her beautiful pussy, the softness of her breasts and the roundness of her ass.
When I came it was crying, and not from wonder or happiness. I wanted her so badly it physically hurt. I could not imagine never seeing her again. Why didn’t I hear from her yet? Was she ok? Where in Russia did they send her? Was she missing me as bad as I her? What the hell happened?
I fell asleep crying and woke up crying, but the following day was a Monday. Since Lilly had promised Frank that I would go to work again I dried my tears, made myself ready, went over there, worked and came back home where I could cry again to my hearts content, all on auto pilot.
Tuesday was the same as Monday, and Wednesday the same as Tuesday. I kept the routine on for almost 2 months, and the more time went by the more people started to lose their patience with me over it.
Except Lilly, of course,…
It was a Friday and I was curled up on the couch crying when Lilly invited herself over to my place to kick-start my life again. She looked at me, gave me a theatrical eye roll and walked into my bedroom, straight to my closet. I stood up from my couch and followed her.
“What are you doing?” I asked while she started throwing clothes on my bed.
“We are going out tonight. I found Rebecca’s friends and we are going to have a drink with them.”
I sagged down on the bed. “Why? What’s the point?” I asked.
She sat down next to me and hugged me. “Oh Runa, if you really have to ask you definitely need this. You need to get over her, and I think the best way to do that is to find a rebound. Since I don’t know anything about the gay life or how to catch a woman, I traced Rebeccas friends and asked them for help.”
I shook my head. “No. No way that I am going! That is so embarrassing, I can’t believe you did that!”
Lilly stood up again and picked out an outfit. “Here, put it on.” She commanded.
“No Lilly, I am not going!” I repeated.
“You have to try to get over her, Aruna. Sitting here alone at home is not going to help you with that. Get out, live a little again, eat something, talk to people, catch a few rays of sunshine once in a while! Do you have any idea of how you have changed in the last months? You lost weight, your hair lost its shine, you never smile anymore, you seem to have no joy in anything that you do, and frankly, you begin to annoy people. Besides, Rebecca’s friends are expecting us, if we don’t go they’ll be waiting for nothing.” She pouted and added: “For me? Please?”
I sighed deeply and put the clothes on. “Only for you then.” I grumbled.
Little over an hour later we finally arrived at the bar. Nothing big had changed, but just like going to my family for the first time since she was away it hurt to come there without her because of all the lost possibilities I suddenly saw. A rebound was so out of the question it wasn’t even funny. I only wanted the impossible: my Rebecca back.
Lara saw us first and stepped right up to Lilly. “You managed to convince her to come!”
Then she grabbed me by my shoulders and gave me a big hug. “You look like shit, but we will help you get over her, I promise.” Not for the first time I thought Lara was a bit weird. We followed her to their table and sat down.
Lilly ordered us a pair of drinks and we greeted everyone and started chatting. Lilly did anyway. I just sat there, staring into nothing. To them Rebecca was just a good friend, but how could they sit here so relaxed, as if nothing had happened? As if they didn’t lose her at all? To my knowledge she contacted no-one, not even her best friend Lara. Weren’t they at least a bit angry at her? Or disappointed? I know I was, beside the missing, the hurting and the worrying.
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